I have been meaning to get this out of my chest for a while for years but only today I decided to tell my story for whoever wants to listen.
I will not go in much detail but I guess this is a typical gambler story.
I'll start by saying that I'm sort of an gambling addict. I started it as soon as I the bank mailed me a credit card when I was a college student.
I had a very small idea what credit cards were used for but never in my life it occurred to me to ever use one. But there it was, in the mailbox with some sweet limit for me to spend but I quickly put it in a drawer because I knew it was a bad thing to touch.
At the time I had "discovered" a method to make money guaranteed with hedging bets between different sportsbooks. I must say that back in the day you could make a living doing that and in my young adult life that was amazing.
It was a very decent extra money for a broke college student, but I quickly run out of sportsbooks to apply the method so I couldn't gain guaranteed money anymore.
So I started to gamble with that money I won. Ofc as the usual gambler, I lost it all. That's when it kicked me. I had this credit card in my drawer and one thing led to another bigger things.
It took me like 6 years to pay this credit card debt and finally be free and be gambling free also. My life was back to normal after I ruined it for years. I don't know if you can imagine the stress and anxiety this addiction carries.
I was working long hours just to pay this debt. Some months I didn't have money to pay utility bills or food.
I contemplated suicide for months, until I moved to a little better job and it lifted me up a little bit so I managed to pay all debts. Finally I was **free**.
That's when I heard about **bitcoin**. 2016. I started very small, bought a little and sold when high. "Reinvested" years later, got burnt, back to where I started and ofc I had to use the credit card again.
At this time the limit was way higher than back when I started to use it and my gambling addiction kicked in again to recover the wins.
After the credit card failed, I made loans to pay it off. Used loans to buy more bitcoin, etc etc
I invested again heavily and ofc the big crash came in 2017 and I was left with debt and my life ruined forever once more.
I ended up with almost 2 bitcoins, but like 3x the debt and I don't think I will ever be able to pay it off.
I put a stop to it right after the crash and for all this time I never touched my bitcoin or any gambling site again, but the monthly debt bills keep coming.
With my salary I'm able to keep paying the bills but always back to zero after the end of the month.
With this pandemic and staying so much time at home it got me thinking why not use the bitcoin and my addiction started kicking again.
I tried to stop it but once it got me pumped up there is no going back. I have no other addiction. Just this very expensive life ruining addiction.
I started withdrawing some bitcoin to feel the high of winnings and long story short I ended up losing it all. I still have this 1 bitcoin that I don't want to touch.
I'm writing this so I convince myself to not touch this last bitcoin. It's my last savior and hope. I feel like if I touch this bitcoin I will fall into the depression that I haven't had in years.
I'm already shaking and can't sleep at night for what I've done.
Bills keep piling up, girlfriend doesn't suspect a thing and is talking about saving money for a house and having a baby, but how can I?
All my income goes to paying the debt I accumulated over the years and I got nothing to show for it. I have no fancy cars, fancy clothes or anything.
I hope whoever sent me that credit card back when I was 18 didn't do so. It started a down spiraling down in my life that I don't see an out of it.
But that's banks for you. They want to control us from the very beginning of life.
I wasn't strong or savvy enough to say no to banks. I hope someday I can give this bitcoin to my child and for whatever its worth at the time I will know that it saved my life in the end.
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